dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
