I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
