Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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