i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
