the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
