I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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