doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
