you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
