Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
