I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
