they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
