My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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