i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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