you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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