Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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