trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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