So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
