it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
