Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
