i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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