sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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