how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
