If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
