FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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