I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
