OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
