FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
