I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
