so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
