Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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