I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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