I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
