Me too!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
