dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I believe in your delicious
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
