She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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