Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
