there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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