Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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