I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
