Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
