talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
