And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
