i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
