Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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