you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
