Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
