can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
