how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
where are my eyebrows?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
