it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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