Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
