Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
