Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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