Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
