just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
