why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
