Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
